I do have belief in the concept of “Change”. Having perception oriented world around you, it’s always hard to come to conclusion whether things are for better or worse. In any case, experience is attached irrespective of the state of mind we are.
I had an opportunity to meet a person while I was flying from New Delhi to Bangalore. He had everything going for him, in terms of career, a decent family and steady romantic relationship. He told, it wasn’t steady with respect to his girl friend, and it took them 3 years and two break ups to get to this steady state.
One of the things I got to know was his talent for writing essays on philosophy, cars, music and especially about relationship. He doesn’t have a blog to address them, but maintains a note book to pen his thoughts.
He showed me the book and it was empty for last few months. He says he has become too lazy to write these days. Fair enough, responsibilities on the career front were stopping him to an extent. But, at the same time, he was frustrated about the fact that he wasn’t able to write.
He was kind enough to let me read few articles. According to me, the best ones were scattered here and there. Some of them showed his unintentional writing, I mean, writing just for the sake of it, not having a soul.
I pointed this to him and he did agree.
Now the next question…. “Sir, what has been the greatest source of motivation or say inspiration to write such things?”
“Pain….. It’s something which is very much required to bring out the best at least for me. When I look back, I feel my creativity was at its best when I had a hard time with either my family or with my girl friend. I wanted some amount of stir inside me to bring out the feelings, and to be honest, my best writings were when I had something inside, some uneasiness. When I wasn’t with my girl friend, I thought that period to be a great motivating factor because I really loved her and I wasn’t able to convey and convince how much I missed her. All this energy was put on my writings and friends said it was well written, that included my girl friend too”.
Aren’t you being harsh on your girl friend by concluding like this? I asked
“Initially, I did not think this to be the reason. But, if you look back, my best writings came when there wasn’t any clarity in our relationship. Now it’s clear much clear than what it was. You know, I don’t mind this writing. I don’t want to hurt my girl friend by telling what I feel and the reason for my inability to write anymore the way I used to.”
At this point of time, I wasn’t convinced with his argument. It was a sign of him losing his touch since he feels he doesn’t have anything to say to her about how much he cared and loved. I was wondering how his girl friend would react if she finds out about this.
Usually I don’t interfere in people’s way of working or living. But at that time, I felt I had something to say. Also, he did ask my opinion. I chose not to be a diplomat.
“The path of self discovery is very interesting. Now when we decide that this is the person, we are stopping our discovery channel and instead switch to exploring the person on a regular basis. This can be a judgmental call and one has to back oneself and be convinced. It depends what you expect from a partner. If it doesn’t match in the first step, is there any point of exploring. When you say, you are very peace with yourself after getting back with your girlfriend, then it s a positive sign. Life isn’t all about writing masterpieces. If the distance away from your girl friend was your main source of inspiration then think about the kind of inspiration she can be, now that she is even closer. I am sure she doesn’t want you to be upset because of her. I understand we do have our own ways of getting inspired but to me, it isn’t the right way to judge or conclude. If I were in your position, I would have expressed my feelings to the concerned and would find newer ways of looking at things.
In a way, this gives a chance for you to write about things in a different way rather than looking at the same monotonous way. Its time you accepted the reality and allow the change to interact with your writing and analytical skills. Its time for a change the way you looked at things. You asked for my opinion and I have given mine”
He was surprised and looked at me in a suspicious way and asked me “Have you ever gone through something like this?”
I was made to shut within no time. But I did reply, “It doesn’t matter whether I went through this all. I can say, at least I wouldn’t blame anyone but me. I have decided for the little skills I have, it’s me and my own responsibility to find constant inspirations to keep it going. Its tough at times, but beauty of nature and life is such that, it will give a lot of sources, it’s only up to us to choose them” I hope this answers your question.
Didn’t realize, Bangalore was such a short journey. He was in a hurry, we exchanged numbers and that was it. And before saying goodbye, he said, he will look into what ever I had said.
In the end, it didn’t matter, whether it was because of me he got back to his writing ways, I hope he feels great about writing again without having to blame someone else.