Category: Choice

Lose your dreams, you will lose your mind

RajanThambehalliLeave a comment

Yet another casualty, and this time it is at the heart of the European Union. There are disturbing scenes for anyone who tunes into the news channels or when surfing through the internet. While some have plenty on their plate to even think about it, many ask themselves, which place is a safe house in the times we live.

If there is one sure thing, it is the unpredictability of events irrespective of one’s geographical location. Media houses chart the list of happiest places in the world to live and go on to provide the fag end of the list. People strive hard to be in those ‘safe-havens’ while chaos is being plotted parallely.

The question is, will we continue to live in that ‘safe-net’ forever? No annual holidays? No business visits? Or even an unplanned getaway?

Each day, we make plans for the future and work towards it. By the end of the day, we might have compromised a thing or two about living the lives we dreamed of growing up. Plans upon plans pile up while the simple pleasures appear to look silly, even though deep down, that’s precisely what we crave for.

All our plans lead to the road to survival. Some chose muddy paths, while others prefer more acceptable grades of concrete. A few can afford the luxury to avoid roads altogether, while others ride their fortunes for having survived a day.

We are bombarded by the precursors and the possible outcomes of global conflicts of varying nature. We debate among friends, colleagues about the integrity of events, policies, actions, or lack of it. Thanks to the most evolved technology available to our fingertips, we are never far away from the news of disaster.

We can selectively choose. Can we turn it off completely?

Some choose to remain oblivious to what’s happening around them, some choose to ignore it, some get confused, and some get agitated. These gamuts of emotions sum up the world we live in – where despite the ‘safest physical cocoon’ we can create, our minds are volatile and subconsciously introspect to be guarded. So we make more plans to secure ourselves.

Are we missing the point here?

Here is what I have come to terms with, having witnessed some of the global catastrophes in my lifetime.

Every generation had its share of conflicts. Unless we can transport ourselves into the previous generation’s mindsets, we cannot fully comprehend or show empathy to the affected. We can always try.

We can never be genuinely ubiquitous – let’s accept that we are limited by being an individual entity.

Confusions and dilemmas are part of our growth. They are essential for our evolution and play a key role in our learning and decision-making abilities. Clarity is a journey, not a destination.

There will always be responsibilities till our last breath. It is up to us how we look at it, define it, face them and learn from it all.

And this was a game-changer for me:

Defining my dreams and being flexible about it; living my life, chasing after my dreams, and taking time to remain still when I am tempted to be in perpetual motion to reach places. The aforementioned ‘keys’ are proving to be paramount.

The definition of ‘dream’ is subjective and idiosyncratic. And choosing to live my life with loved ones and paint it like an adventure irrespective of ‘complicated’ commitments are the simple remedies I am happy to have taken and wish to take it moving forward.

I saw a Rolling Stones quote printed on a T-shirt that made sense – “Lose your dreams, you will lose your mind” and in a fragile and uncertain global world, working on our dreams continuously is not a bad option to consider.

THERE IS NO PERFECT……………………………………………….

RajanThambehalli1 Comment

I know everyone has been in a dilemma of whether to do or not to do; to have or have not and how!  This feeling is universal, and the path is frequently travelled, most times crowded, yet it seems like we are all by ourselves. However, what we choose to do with the feeling is something worth talking about.

How many times a day, a minute, we would have procrastinated ‘a sure thing’ for later or even convinced ourselves to do it at a perfect time?

Let me tell you; there is no perfect time!

Many tasks need an appropriate time; anything before and after is of no use. We all get that sort of commitment, and we ably do it. However, there are many jobs which are independent of ‘time’ is what irks us the most, tests the individuals and a group in general. What are we going to do with the time if we have procrastinated on a specific task? Is there something better to do, or is it a feeling that comes in between performing that particular task – which quickly gets postponed? Or are we just too lazy and oblivious about it?

I have learned this, and yes, I, too, have procrastinated and will do in the future. Isn’t it natural? The question is – when do I procrastinate?

These days, I have started to question the very process of procrastination. I am in the middle of creating a habit of asking why I feel like delaying a particular task with the hope the process will evolve and gradually becomes instinctive.

LOOKING BACK

When I look back, I see a pattern emerge as to what factors motivated me to procrastinate things in my life. I would categorise items or tasks into priority. If I felt it was not significant, they would be done later, or I would do specific tasks only when required. Whereas many functions in our daily lives are intuitive, and you know it needs to be done.

Why so? Because you know it, and you will find a way to get things done…Period!

It is natural; it’s instinctive, it’s common sense, it is one’s reaction to individual action and is to no small extent a degree of freedom where you do without an iota of thought.

Such behaviour emerges with practice and being more aware of what ticks you! Just like a feeling of being an artist who has mastered an art. Everyone loves to be in this kind of a zone, I know I do… but – there are more roadblocks one needs to overcome to get to this zone. This is one’s behaviour – and whether it is good or bad depends on how you define ‘good or bad’ and how others perceive it.

50:50 CONUNDRUM

I remember a famous quote printed on a T-shirt I used to wear during my college days – “A person who thinks he can and a person who thinks he cannot are both right.” A beautiful quote wakes your brain cells and makes you wonder which side of the pasture you want to graze.

I often go through scenarios in life that I term as 50:50 conundrums. The more I encounter such situations – the more I am experimenting or being adventurous. Or am I taking too much time to learn or adapt?

I believe this is more of a personality issue. This dilemma, which I talked about earlier, tests or perhaps decides many things in one’s life.

More often, I encounter these thoughts – “How would it be? What will happen? How will they view it? Is it worth doing it? Will, someone judges me because of my actions?…. plenty of questions, and these questions bog me down at times and have the potential to mask the clarity of what is required, what needs to be done, and how it needs to do.” Sometimes it makes me wonder – why an inevitable result is not coming my way, do I need to find other ways?

Personally, this ‘feeling of uncertainty and making sense of it’ is what makes me learn. I am a person who likes to reach the same destination in different possible ways – well, it’s just me, and I don’t think about it. I do think about it!

Without this problem, I would have learned less. This uncertainty does not drive me crazy. Instead, it buoys me to ‘choose’ and go through a series of ‘action-reaction’ thoughts within myself and try them out in reality.

It is a feeling where any feedback is like progress, which is how I wish to take it. Back in my days as a chemical researcher, I learned an important lesson. “Even a negative outcome is a result, and to get to the objective of an experiment, one cannot fudge the results or tamper with the observations.”

It is entirely against nature – a lesson for life indeed.

A SECOND LAYER

Beneath the polished mindset lies the second-layer where the 50:50 conundrum is most active. This is where one’s character is shaped and one crucial step away from revealing to the world. This aspect determines how to proceed further and in what direction, and most importantly, when or give up. This zone is what I call ‘a critical one’ – where one is exposed to a lot of things or new scenarios, and one doesn’t know how to react to it and not confident of taking some actions.

If things go our way due to making a choice, we do not think much – a sense of relief surrounds us, and we began to wonder – what the fuss was this all about.

What if things do not go as per expectations? This is what happens to most of us during experimentation, right? When decisions have to be made, one needs to bounce back or come back with another set of ideas or leave it at that.

People get segregated and get defined by choices based on their awareness. It is not the result; it is the numerous trails that test whether you have it in you to drag yourself forward.

When there are chances to get lost for a while, or at least I do… go into a mood of introspection – visualise the sequence of events and come back at it.

This is a personality issue, and I believe in tackling this – there is no perfect way or to get back; there is no ideal time…

I do understand, when in doubt… make a choice towards what you want and accumulate as many responses (it is incredible how humans instinctively select or reject depending on their interests) as possible. Very soon, you will be out of this 50:50 conundrum, and your actions become instinctive. What’s important is – it is ok to be awkward as long as it is part of the learning process.

THE CORE

One needs fuel to execute things in a manner we do. I call ‘the intellectual fuel’ – which is present within and replenished as a result of our behaviour and its outcomes in everyday life. It is one’s core and the primary source of ‘how we do things in a certain way and be unique.’

This core of mine is a very personal thing. It takes ages to realise why we choose one over the other. This understanding of one’s core needs pattern, and that one has to keep doing things repeatedly.

It remains in the comfort zone and seldom takes risks. It is a haven, and it convinces you to believe your view is the way to go. When surroundings favour such thoughts, the result is a blast’, and the little one can stop! Unless you press the self-destruct button by yourself.

What would you do if you are not being judged? Think about it – dwell on it from time to time because this is what stands out with time.

The most challenging task is to be in touch with this core. And the annoying part is; it shows only a part of it and not entirely at once. If you are aware of this part – trust me, you will have never have to worry about the puzzles.

What you think or believe deep inside is what you do?

In most scenarios, one never encounters an ideal match that resonates your core. Either you condition the core to suit the surroundings or be continually looking out for ‘the one.’ In both cases, you invest time, energy to make it comfortable. The 50:50 conundrums continue…..

I have not reached there yet. But all I have understood is that – our life will be determined by the choices we make when we are in doubt. And how we react when things do not go our way is when we get to know more about ourselves.

So here is food for thought – how motivated are you to reach a state where you do just the way you like without any inhibitions? This explains why some people choose to become recluses; stay away from civilizations, and be available to people at their discretion. No, I have not met such a person until now in my life… because I believe that’s the perfect state one can achieve.

As long as you live.. you learn.. and as long as you know… you are not perfect!

Birth by Chance, Life by Choice

RajanThambehalli14 Comments

When I was born, I did not have the option of choosing my parents. The first lesson I learnt over a long time is to accept my birth was by chance, although it was a choice made by my parents. In a way, I am born through choice, not mine, though.

Ever since that, apart from the initial growing years, chances started to diminish, and choices began to appear more in the radar of my daily life and the routines associated with it. But in general, choices have mostly dependant on chances. Or should I say, options appear whenever one gets a chance?

I am sure, the other way it is not so clear. Pardon me, at this time of writing; I am looking just at the situations and the choices we make for them.

Staying in a non-English speaking country for the best part of this year has taught me a lot about blaming others for the situation I am in. So far, I have learned that it is up to me to make a problem look better, if not worse. It is so true when the situation involves significantly fewer people.

In fact, as a whole, choosing to change the situation itself is a step closer to reality. We become clear and understand ourselves as to why we are doing a particular thing. In one of the management classes, I came across a beautiful term called ‘Self -fulfilling prophecy’.

It is due to opinionated minds that refuse to believe otherwise unless one becomes open-minded and shed the curtains of narrow mindedness or generalisation.

The truth is, do we have the patience to know the truth? Reality itself is a time-consuming process; often, when you are confident of something, it helps deal with the frustrations of being in the ‘waiting’ period.

By knowing people who are different and react differently, it has helped me a lot to understand the meaning of patience a touch better.

And also, it is a chance to acknowledge the different ways of looking at a situation. I know, I do not personally agree or do what others do. And that is where the word ‘choice’ comes. I would rather embarrass myself with the choices I made at a particular time than look for someone to blame. It is tough, though.

Humans, as we are, emotionally strive for security or instead crave for the feeling of assurity. Although people do a lot of ‘crazy’ (something different from the accepted social norms of a particular society) things, it is a general tendency of the majority to seek comfort.

Like food choices, we tend to seek comfort in our ways, and it is this aspect that often leads to conflict.

I am trying my best every day not to conclude things as they appear. One can make opinions but must also have the audacity to change them as we proceed towards the path of reality. Time does reveal one’s real character, and understanding can only happen with time. I feel strongly about this.

The dark side of this intense feeling of mine is that I have to ensure I do not blame others for anything that happens to me. It is so tempting, and few times I still ended up doing and then feeling disgusted for having done that.

For an individual, that is how it must be. What about a partnership? Yes, there is an obligation if one enters the partnership. Somewhere in time, the partners’ extremities must be given away to a more amicable one.

Thats what team ethics is all about and so far from what I have seen, relationships have flourished when it is made to work from time to time—not just looking for excuses.

The other person(s) can affect the partnership. There is no denying in that, then but what about ourselves. We have a choice to either play the game of blame, or just move on with life.

Some people are not given choices; I would say that such people seek comfort in not making choices and believing in things to happen by themselves. It looks like a general statement, yes it is. More often than not, people do what is comfortable even though they endure pain. I have learnt, pain is a part of the process of believing in someone or something.

I love senorita, although there are situations that make me think about whether it is the right choice? Whenever the question of choice arises, I close my eyes and listen to my instincts. It has the same answer as it has been before. I trust my instincts, and it is entirely my choice.

Senorita is different in a lot of different ways. Still, I am happy overall because my instincts refuse to pose restrictions on senorita and yet make me love her each time.

In a way, I trust my eyes more when it is closed. That way, it gives me a chance to listen to my instincts. Instincts have a vision, and they are awake all the time. So I trust those eyes more often than what my actual eyes see. It’s a choice afterall.

Asked about Ferrari failing this year, Massa said – “We definitely need to analyse our mistakes and understand how they can be avoided, but I don’t think it needs a revolution which the always emotional onlookers demand: it would be wrong because it’s not a case of us suddenly becoming stupid. It’s the playing field that has changed. We must be aware of that and tackle the situation with a different approach.”