I know everyone has been in a dilemma of whether to do or not to do; to have or have not and how!  This feeling is universal, and the path is frequently travelled, most times crowded, yet it seems like we are all by ourselves. However, what we choose to do with the feeling is something worth talking about.

How many times a day, a minute, we would have procrastinated ‘a sure thing’ for later or even convinced ourselves to do it at a perfect time?

Let me tell you; there is no perfect time!

Many tasks need an appropriate time; anything before and after is of no use. We all get that sort of commitment, and we ably do it. However, there are many jobs which are independent of ‘time’ is what irks us the most, tests the individuals and a group in general. What are we going to do with the time if we have procrastinated on a specific task? Is there something better to do, or is it a feeling that comes in between performing that particular task – which quickly gets postponed? Or are we just too lazy and oblivious about it?

I have learned this, and yes, I, too, have procrastinated and will do in the future. Isn’t it natural? The question is – when do I procrastinate?

These days, I have started to question the very process of procrastination. I am in the middle of creating a habit of asking why I feel like delaying a particular task with the hope the process will evolve and gradually becomes instinctive.

LOOKING BACK

When I look back, I see a pattern emerge as to what factors motivated me to procrastinate things in my life. I would categorise items or tasks into priority. If I felt it was not significant, they would be done later, or I would do specific tasks only when required. Whereas many functions in our daily lives are intuitive, and you know it needs to be done.

Why so? Because you know it, and you will find a way to get things done…Period!

It is natural; it’s instinctive, it’s common sense, it is one’s reaction to individual action and is to no small extent a degree of freedom where you do without an iota of thought.

Such behaviour emerges with practice and being more aware of what ticks you! Just like a feeling of being an artist who has mastered an art. Everyone loves to be in this kind of a zone, I know I do… but – there are more roadblocks one needs to overcome to get to this zone. This is one’s behaviour – and whether it is good or bad depends on how you define ‘good or bad’ and how others perceive it.

50:50 CONUNDRUM

I remember a famous quote printed on a T-shirt I used to wear during my college days – “A person who thinks he can and a person who thinks he cannot are both right.” A beautiful quote wakes your brain cells and makes you wonder which side of the pasture you want to graze.

I often go through scenarios in life that I term as 50:50 conundrums. The more I encounter such situations – the more I am experimenting or being adventurous. Or am I taking too much time to learn or adapt?

I believe this is more of a personality issue. This dilemma, which I talked about earlier, tests or perhaps decides many things in one’s life.

More often, I encounter these thoughts – “How would it be? What will happen? How will they view it? Is it worth doing it? Will, someone judges me because of my actions?…. plenty of questions, and these questions bog me down at times and have the potential to mask the clarity of what is required, what needs to be done, and how it needs to do.” Sometimes it makes me wonder – why an inevitable result is not coming my way, do I need to find other ways?

Personally, this ‘feeling of uncertainty and making sense of it’ is what makes me learn. I am a person who likes to reach the same destination in different possible ways – well, it’s just me, and I don’t think about it. I do think about it!

Without this problem, I would have learned less. This uncertainty does not drive me crazy. Instead, it buoys me to ‘choose’ and go through a series of ‘action-reaction’ thoughts within myself and try them out in reality.

It is a feeling where any feedback is like progress, which is how I wish to take it. Back in my days as a chemical researcher, I learned an important lesson. “Even a negative outcome is a result, and to get to the objective of an experiment, one cannot fudge the results or tamper with the observations.”

It is entirely against nature – a lesson for life indeed.

A SECOND LAYER

Beneath the polished mindset lies the second-layer where the 50:50 conundrum is most active. This is where one’s character is shaped and one crucial step away from revealing to the world. This aspect determines how to proceed further and in what direction, and most importantly, when or give up. This zone is what I call ‘a critical one’ – where one is exposed to a lot of things or new scenarios, and one doesn’t know how to react to it and not confident of taking some actions.

If things go our way due to making a choice, we do not think much – a sense of relief surrounds us, and we began to wonder – what the fuss was this all about.

What if things do not go as per expectations? This is what happens to most of us during experimentation, right? When decisions have to be made, one needs to bounce back or come back with another set of ideas or leave it at that.

People get segregated and get defined by choices based on their awareness. It is not the result; it is the numerous trails that test whether you have it in you to drag yourself forward.

When there are chances to get lost for a while, or at least I do… go into a mood of introspection – visualise the sequence of events and come back at it.

This is a personality issue, and I believe in tackling this – there is no perfect way or to get back; there is no ideal time…

I do understand, when in doubt… make a choice towards what you want and accumulate as many responses (it is incredible how humans instinctively select or reject depending on their interests) as possible. Very soon, you will be out of this 50:50 conundrum, and your actions become instinctive. What’s important is – it is ok to be awkward as long as it is part of the learning process.

THE CORE

One needs fuel to execute things in a manner we do. I call ‘the intellectual fuel’ – which is present within and replenished as a result of our behaviour and its outcomes in everyday life. It is one’s core and the primary source of ‘how we do things in a certain way and be unique.’

This core of mine is a very personal thing. It takes ages to realise why we choose one over the other. This understanding of one’s core needs pattern, and that one has to keep doing things repeatedly.

It remains in the comfort zone and seldom takes risks. It is a haven, and it convinces you to believe your view is the way to go. When surroundings favour such thoughts, the result is a blast’, and the little one can stop! Unless you press the self-destruct button by yourself.

What would you do if you are not being judged? Think about it – dwell on it from time to time because this is what stands out with time.

The most challenging task is to be in touch with this core. And the annoying part is; it shows only a part of it and not entirely at once. If you are aware of this part – trust me, you will have never have to worry about the puzzles.

What you think or believe deep inside is what you do?

In most scenarios, one never encounters an ideal match that resonates your core. Either you condition the core to suit the surroundings or be continually looking out for ‘the one.’ In both cases, you invest time, energy to make it comfortable. The 50:50 conundrums continue…..

I have not reached there yet. But all I have understood is that – our life will be determined by the choices we make when we are in doubt. And how we react when things do not go our way is when we get to know more about ourselves.

So here is food for thought – how motivated are you to reach a state where you do just the way you like without any inhibitions? This explains why some people choose to become recluses; stay away from civilizations, and be available to people at their discretion. No, I have not met such a person until now in my life… because I believe that’s the perfect state one can achieve.

As long as you live.. you learn.. and as long as you know… you are not perfect!