I know everyone has been in a dilemma of whether to do or not to do; to have or have not and how! This feeling is universal and the path is frequently travelled, most times crowded yet it seems like we are all by ourselves. However, what we choose to do with the feeling is something worth talking about. How many times a day, a minute we would have procrastinated ‘a certain thing’ for later, or even convinced ourselves to do at a time which is perfect? Let me tell you.. there is no perfect time!
There are many tasks which needs an appropriate time; anything before and after is of no use. We all get that sort of commitments and we ably do it. However, there are many jobs which is independent of ‘time’ is what irks us the most, tests the individuals and a group in general. What are we going to do with the time if we have procrastinated a certain task? Is there something better to do or is it a feeling that comes in between performing that particular task – which easily gets postponed. Or are we just too lazy and oblivious about it?
I have learnt this and yes, I too have procrastinated and will do in the future. Isn’t it natural? The question is – when do I procrastinate?
These days, I have started to question the very process of procrastination. I am in the middle of creating a habit of questioning as to why I feel like delaying a certain task with a hope the process will evolve and gradually becomes instinctive.
When I look back, I see a pattern emerge as to what kind of factors motivated me to procrastinate things in my life. I would categorise things or tasks into priority. If I felt it was not important, they would be done at a later stage or I would do certain tasks only when required. Whereas many tasks in our daily lives are instinctive and you know it needs to be done.
Why so? Because you just know it and you will find a way to get things done…Period! And you do not care much about how others view you and that’s the beauty of such a task. It is natural, it’s instinctive, it’s common sense, it is one’s reaction to a certain action and is to a large extent a degree of freedom where you just do without an iota of thought. Such behaviour emerge with practice and being more aware of what ticks you! Just like a feeling of being an artist who has mastered an art. Everyone loves to be in this kind of a zone, I know I do.. but – there are more road blocks one needs to overcome to get to this zone. This is one’s behaviour – and whether it is good or bad totally depends on how you define ‘good or bad’ and how others perceive it.
I remember a famous quote which was printed on a T-shirt I used to wear during my college days – “A person who thinks he can and a person who thinks he cannot are both right”. A beautiful quote which wakes your brain cells and makes you wonder which side of the pasture you wanna graze.
I often go through scenarios in life which I term it as 50:50 conundrums. The more I encounter such situations – more I am experimenting or being adventurous. Or am I taking too much time to learn or adapt?
I believe this is more of a personality issue. This dilemma which I talked earlier is what tests or perhaps decide a lot of things in one’s life.
More often I encounter these thoughts – “How would it be? What will happen? How will they view it? Is it worth doing it? Will someone judge me because of my actions?…. plenty of questions and these questions bog me down at times and has the potential to mask the clarity of what is required; what needs to be done and how it needs to done.” Sometimes it makes me wonder – why a certain result is not coming my way, do I need to find other ways?
Personally, this ‘feeling of uncertainty and making sense of it’ is what makes me learn. I am a person who likes to reach the same destination in different possible ways – well it’s just me and I don’t think about it. Actually, I do think about it!
Without this conundrum, I would have learnt less I must admit. This uncertainty does not drive me crazy instead it buoys me to ‘choose’ and go through a series of ‘action-reaction’ thoughts within myself and try them out in reality. It is a feeling where any feedback is like a progress and this is how I wish to take it. Back in my days as a chemical researcher, I learnt an important lesson. “Even a negative outcome is a result and to get to the objective of an experiment, one cannot fudge the results or tamper with the observations”. It is simply against nature – a lesson for life indeed.
A SECOND LAYER
Beneath the polished mindset lies the second-layer where the 50:50 conundrum is most active. This is where one’s character is shaped and one important step away from revealing to the world. This aspect is what determines how to proceed further and in what direction and most importantly when or just give up. This zone is what I call ‘a critical one’ – where one is exposed to a lot of things or new scenarios and one doesn’t know how to react to it and not confident of taking some actions.
If things go our way as a result of making a choice, we do not think much – a sense of relief surrounds us and we began to wonder – what the fuss was this all about. What if things do not go as per expectations? This is what happens to most of us during experimentation, right? This is when decisions have to be made, one needs to bounce back or come back with another set of ideas or just leave it at that. People get segregated and get defined by choices based on our awareness. It is not the result… it is the innumerable trails which tests whether you have it in you to drag yourself forward.
This is when there are chances to get lost for a while or at least I do… go into a mood of introspection – visualise the sequence of events and come back at it. This is a personality issue and I believe to tackle this – there is no perfect way or to get back there is no perfect time.. I do understand, when in doubt… make a choice towards what you want and accumulate as many responses (it is amazing how humans instinctively select or reject depending on their interests) as possible. Very soon you will be out of this 50:50 conundrum and your actions become instinctive. What’s important is – it is ok to be awkward as long as it is part of the learning process.
One needs fuel to execute things in a manner we do. This is what I call as ‘the intellectual fuel’ – which is present within and replenished as a result of our behaviour and its outcomes in everyday life. It is one’s core and the primary source of ‘the way we do things in a certain way and be unique’.
This core of mine is a very personal thing. It takes ages to realise why we choose one over the other. This understanding of one’s core needs pattern and for that one has to constantly keep doing things. It remains in the comfort zone and seldom takes risks It is a haven and it convinces you to believe your view is the way to go. When surroundings favour such thoughts, the result is ‘a blast’ and there is little one can do to stop! unless you press the self-destruct button by yourself.
What would you do if you are not being judged? Think about it – dwell on it from time to time because with time this is what it stands out. The most difficult task is to be in touch with this core. And annoying part is… it shows only a part of it and not completely at once. If you are aware of this part – trust me you will have never have to worry about the conundrums. What you think or believe deep inside is what you do?
In most scenarios, one never encounters an ideal match that resonates your core. Either you condition the core to suit the surroundings or be in the constant look out for ‘the one’. In both the cases, you invest time, energy to make it comfortable. The 50:50 conundrums continue…..
I know for a fact I have not reached there yet. But all I have understood is that – our life will be determined by the choices we make when we are in doubt. And how we react when things do not go our way is when we get to know more about ourselves.
So here is a food for thought – how motivated are you to reach a state where you do just the way you like without any inhibitions? This to me explains why some people choose to become recluse; stay away from civilizations and yet be available to people at their discretion. And no, I have not met such a person till date in my life… because I believe that’s the perfect state one can achieve. As long as you live.. you learn.. and as long as you learn… you are not perfect!