I was profligate when I missed many opportunities to realize many things that could have made a difference. For not achieving what I could have, my feelings were astringent. I did learn my faults within me when I felt terrible once taking pleasure in noticing flaws in others.
Being very low after missing opportunities, I always turned to people around me because nothing from my inner voice was acceptable. It’s almost like stonewalling it.
By the way, this turned out to be another mistake. I always got an answer from others’ perspectives. Very few situations provided me the exact facts. My mom made me accept the bitter medicine and advised me to be pragmatic than looking out for the perfect solution, which isn’t there, in my opinion.
One of the things I achieved was not becoming more and more credulous about things I go through. Unless I were convinced totally, I would have never agreed on a personal front but, more importantly, started acquiring the art of appreciating others in the way they went about life and their thoughts.
The demeanor quotient in me seemed increasing, and slowly I was listening more than talking. I found a new friend who was very shy but assertive when I went to him with my problems.
He always had one vision and was absolute recalcitrant in the decisions he took. He never forced me to believe his thoughts, but he was still right. I used to have quibbles with him over certain things, but the more I was arguing, the more I was getting convinced that I was wrong.
It’s my fortune to say, to have found a friend in him. But he keeps telling me even he is grateful to me to have accepted him. He keeps telling me I saw him in a broken down position and fixed him. But the truth is he corrected me. And I guess in a way; we fixed each other too.
He is my only friend who is available anytime and never asks anything in return. Instead, he keeps telling me, as long as I fulfill what is suitable for our friendship, he doesn’t want anything else.
“All my life, I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned, someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers, too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.”
He answered all my questions and my eagerness to know more about my life and the life around me in general.
True to Samuel Johnson’s words, almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities that he does not possess and gain applause that he cannot keep. I was no different, and I guess I am still no different.
I don’t want to do things, which would attenuate my confidence at the end of it, Even though it means sacrificing temporary pleasures.
My friend is so shy that he never opens up to others except me. I was slowly becoming the representative of his thoughts. Slowly I was embellishing his every idea, and it was visible to my friends’ circle. I could see a change in me, and my friends I am with since childhood also felt the difference.
I remember Shirley MacLaine quoting –
I think of life itself now as a beautiful play that I’ve written for myself, so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.
My friend had a significant role in scripting a play for my life, and the most outstanding quality I think I had was to trust him, and I just did what he said. Sometimes I am so stupid that I don’t even guess what is the impact it’s having on others. But I never felt acerbic while doing things in my life. However, bitter moments do arise, but it’s the way you get out of it and still retain our friendship.
Certainly and sure, he will never make compromises; hence, he can be a damaging critic. But a friend nevertheless.
One of the things I did was express myself, which was the only way of introducing my friend to others.
Now, I never feel bad about showing my feelings, my new feelings, or I don’t apologize for having shown also. Somewhere I think when I apologize for my burst of pure emotions, I apologize for the truth, which is as good as losing my friend.
But I apologize to people who are not close to me since it’s terrible for them to know me and accepting macceptur.
To me, no one is greater than this friend because he never lets me separate from good friends and people that I have. All he does in a while, show me who my pals are and who isn’t.
If my creator wanted me to be otherwise than me, he would have created me otherwise.
And to end it all, Fanny Brice repeatedly kept telling-
“Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?”