A serious gab while we were in the cab

On my way back home, I was asked few questions with respect to relationship and how one needs to be, in order it to be a success.

To be fair, I did not quite sail on similar lines but there was an interesting angle which she was pointing out.

While walking back, after this conversation, I did ponder over few things…….
I know there isn’t any formula (universal) for things to work.

Professionally, we have raised standards to such an extent that nowadays, professional life is making its way into our personal lives.

Professional Standards have increased, because of competition; I am not sure about personal standards even though there is no dearth of competition.

Change is essential but I am emphasizing the world evolution here. Are we evolving better emotionally from our previous generations.

This question is quite a tricky one, to prove this theory, we have to solve problems or handle problems of the past in a better way and I am sure we would all be solving it quite easily. So we have evolved to cope better.

But, what about adversity, problems, crisis etc

While puzzles are created by men, the solutions are also provided by us. In that sense, even our problems would have evolved.

We can never overtake a problem, coz once we overtake it, it ceases to exist.

We follow a problem or be par with it. So it’s relatively constant between the degree of problems and its solutions. Problems might sneak a little ahead.

In any case, those were just my thoughts….. Before having dinner

Back to the scene @ Cab

She asked:

“You knew this girl well, so your life would have been great, staying with someone whom you know well?”

I didn’t completely agree with her assessment.

Yes, it’s a comfort zone to know a person, but it isn’t always the case that one’s life will be great just because we end up marrying the girl we know. It can be made great mutually by exploring many facets of life and with exchange of information.

I believe the whole life isn’t enough to understand a person or in fact to understand ourselves, so one cannot conclude this will be the way to go about in life.

She shot back another salvo at me:

“Ok, at this moment you are busy with work, surrounded by friends, meeting new people. At the end of the day, don’t you feel lonely and miss this person with whom you can share your personal space.”

Fair point, yes, I did miss at times, and I am being honest here. But one cannot continue like this. I have chosen to go ahead and accept things as they come rather than crib about the whole incident. One has to live with reality and accept them gracefully. In a way, the special person might come in the future and it’s not like we are never gonna get a partner.

She was in a mood to ask me more:

“When the new person comes, comparisons come in and one constantly keeps comparing the new one with the old one. Isn’t it tough and one will surely regret if the new one doesn’t match up. And can she fill the void?”

I don’t agree. Because looking at my life, I feel I have thrived when I was out of my comfort zone. Never felt my life was a walk in the park for a long time. I had challenges and had to fight many internal battles to concord with my principles of life. Yes temptation is there to go back to the departed soul, but when one’s instinct doesn’t want it, it doesn’t matter if the other person wants it or not. Also, I hate being regretful and mostly I avoid such situations by giving my best shot and giving others ample time to take decision. This is not fixed and it depends person to person. Unless its extreme situations, I might re-consider because I hate adamancy in such issues. In any case, I am not missing her…. One has to move on… I can’t stop here… Can I?

Well, she wasn’t gonna stop this conversation:

“Can she (new one) fill the void…?”

I feel one cannot fill the void created by a fellow human being. It’s the name that can be filled not the role. I feel my mom can act as a mother to certain people who are misfortunate to have lost their mothers. But my mom can never replace them. Similarly, each one is unique and each one has a different role to play. Smart people appreciate the presence of different people in their lives and acknowledge them for their unique brilliance rather than drawing them into a circle of their own thoughts.
I am sorry, I can pretend or all can pretend but no one can replace. If at all, replacement can happen, then, is there any value for the previous one?
Is there any value or respect for mother or god, if mothers and Gods could be replaced?
Is there any value if your best sets of people are easily replaced?
Mother is not born, she is created. A woman becomes a mother only when child is born. I know motherly feelings will be there and one need not give birth to a child to become a mother. But I hope you do understand what I am emphasizing.

In life, like mother, each one has different roles…… And I feel it is disrespect to a concerned person if she is being replaced emotionally by the other one. Instead of looking for similarity, why don’t we look at the uniqueness as long as it’s keeping us and the concerned person happy?

I look at it this way, and I continued…….

Now, I believe the whole professional set up has lot to play with our emotional values.
I was on leave for a week; a certain work was supposed to carry out, but didn’t happen due to my absence. My boss wasn’t unhappy, but felt, there needs to be a system, wherein we aren’t dependent on any individual while he is absent. Every work must happen irrespective of the concerned person is present or not.

Fair enough, after all its business and its good for one’s ego to know, I am important.
But professionally, I agree, dependency will ruin the progress and stall the growth of a company. Hence a company must never depend on individuals and rather depend on a system.

Unfortunately, like humans aren’t perfect, Will the human created systems be perfect?

I continued,

Will it stall our growth personally when we depend on someone? Can there be a system wherein you can replace the people one is missing?

She was waiting for me to give the answer for this question.

… I feel facing the harsh realities of missing someone and how one overcomes it, is the definition of life. At least, I love it that way and I have learnt to live better that way. Life isn’t always living with people whom we know; it is also a platform in which we are fortunate to know the people unfamiliar to us. This gives me a chance to acknowledge many people whom I have known and their different methods of leading their life.

It is this journey that one needs to enjoy and keep going forward. It is this story of one’s journey which can awake the somniferous people and de-motivate others.

After all, it is a matter of choice. Although, we weren’t given a choice of our birth location, status, colour, race etc. But we are given choices to undo things or do things that one wants.

“Hey, I would love to continue this topic with you….. “- Her stop had come

She got down….

Few minutes later, I got down….

As I reached home,  I did realize two things. Life is full of tautologies and contradictions.

And please, I stressed to myself; do not mix one’s professional life with one’s personal life. The standards and expectations are quite different.

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