Me and my thoughts

I must say, I had a sort of eventful weekend and it was all by myself. I am not sure how it feels for many people, but from what I have seen and heard, it is clear that we are ourselves when we are left with our thoughts and choices.

After a long hiatus, I managed to watch the golden classics of the Hollywood era. In short, I got a chance to watch movies on my laptop. This year I managed to catch up with many Hindi films with my housemates from South Delhi.

Now that guys have gone to their respective stop-gap arrangements, I have moved into a new house; last week, I moved into another house, just a few metres away. It feels different, with cold feet and in a place with no heaters. Yes, it has its fun. After going through a record-breaking Delhi summer, I am getting to feel, what the locals say, the best part of Delhi, it’s winter.

The fog will take some time to make its appearance. I have seen them in many Bollywood movies; it sure would feel good walking when fog prevails over Delhi.

Cooking, well, I have been very sporadic in this regard but still managed to cook quite a lot. I like when there are people around me. It brings the chef in me to the fore. Anyway, it’s an excellent way to experiment with new dishes. And it is always better to try first before letting others taste them.

Over the past week, running against the cool breeze gave me a good feeling. Running is a good thing, and more than running, I fancy brisk walking where I get a chance to talk to myself, and it’s more rhythmic to the thoughts that come to my mind. One such idea was – “If you compare yourself with others, you are a socialite; if you compare yourself with your past, you are a genius.”

I came up with this line, and the next moment, I wondered, what could be the meaning of this. I thought over the line mentioned above; I didn’t feel the same because I was fabricating a theory to support this line.

Well, I tried again, thinking, what if others ask. Still, I wasn’t convinced, or should say, didn’t have any convincing reason to support my line. In the end, after pondering close to ten minutes, I decided to stick with the line without any reason. Whom should I reason with? I feel good with this line, and I am sure I will find the motivation along the way. This, in my opinion, is the way it should be.

Indeed, it’s an intuitive call.

Birth by Chance, Life by Choice

When I was born, I did not have the option of choosing my parents. The first lesson I learnt over a long time is to accept my birth was by chance, although it was a choice made by my parents. In a way, I am born through choice, not mine, though.

Ever since that, apart from the initial growing years, chances started to diminish, and choices began to appear more in the radar of my daily life and the routines associated with it. But in general, choices have mostly dependant on chances. Or should I say, options appear whenever one gets a chance?

I am sure, the other way it is not so clear. Pardon me, at this time of writing; I am looking just at the situations and the choices we make for them.

Staying in a non-English speaking country for the best part of this year has taught me a lot about blaming others for the situation I am in. So far, I have learned that it is up to me to make a problem look better, if not worse. It is so true when the situation involves significantly fewer people.

In fact, as a whole, choosing to change the situation itself is a step closer to reality. We become clear and understand ourselves as to why we are doing a particular thing. In one of the management classes, I came across a beautiful term called ‘Self -fulfilling prophecy’.

It is due to opinionated minds that refuse to believe otherwise unless one becomes open-minded and shed the curtains of narrow mindedness or generalisation.

The truth is, do we have the patience to know the truth? Reality itself is a time-consuming process; often, when you are confident of something, it helps deal with the frustrations of being in the ‘waiting’ period.

By knowing people who are different and react differently, it has helped me a lot to understand the meaning of patience a touch better.

And also, it is a chance to acknowledge the different ways of looking at a situation. I know, I do not personally agree or do what others do. And that is where the word ‘choice’ comes. I would rather embarrass myself with the choices I made at a particular time than look for someone to blame. It is tough, though.

Humans, as we are, emotionally strive for security or instead crave for the feeling of assurity. Although people do a lot of ‘crazy’ (something different from the accepted social norms of a particular society) things, it is a general tendency of the majority to seek comfort.

Like food choices, we tend to seek comfort in our ways, and it is this aspect that often leads to conflict.

I am trying my best every day not to conclude things as they appear. One can make opinions but must also have the audacity to change them as we proceed towards the path of reality. Time does reveal one’s real character, and understanding can only happen with time. I feel strongly about this.

The dark side of this intense feeling of mine is that I have to ensure I do not blame others for anything that happens to me. It is so tempting, and few times I still ended up doing and then feeling disgusted for having done that.

For an individual, that is how it must be. What about a partnership? Yes, there is an obligation if one enters the partnership. Somewhere in time, the partners’ extremities must be given away to a more amicable one.

Thats what team ethics is all about and so far from what I have seen, relationships have flourished when it is made to work from time to time—not just looking for excuses.

The other person(s) can affect the partnership. There is no denying in that, then but what about ourselves. We have a choice to either play the game of blame, or just move on with life.

Some people are not given choices; I would say that such people seek comfort in not making choices and believing in things to happen by themselves. It looks like a general statement, yes it is. More often than not, people do what is comfortable even though they endure pain. I have learnt, pain is a part of the process of believing in someone or something.

I love senorita, although there are situations that make me think about whether it is the right choice? Whenever the question of choice arises, I close my eyes and listen to my instincts. It has the same answer as it has been before. I trust my instincts, and it is entirely my choice.

Senorita is different in a lot of different ways. Still, I am happy overall because my instincts refuse to pose restrictions on senorita and yet make me love her each time.

In a way, I trust my eyes more when it is closed. That way, it gives me a chance to listen to my instincts. Instincts have a vision, and they are awake all the time. So I trust those eyes more often than what my actual eyes see. It’s a choice afterall.

Asked about Ferrari failing this year, Massa said – “We definitely need to analyse our mistakes and understand how they can be avoided, but I don’t think it needs a revolution which the always emotional onlookers demand: it would be wrong because it’s not a case of us suddenly becoming stupid. It’s the playing field that has changed. We must be aware of that and tackle the situation with a different approach.”

"Out of my Instinct Zone"

Few things in life must not be changed. Yes, I agree with it, unless the replacements are worth a change.

An instinct each one possesses is a unique strength that demarcates individuals, their decision-making abilities, and their choice.

To me, personally, I have always trusted my instincts to take control over most situations. It’s not a maxim that I have set; in my brain. It’s a routine or a mundane activity that controls most (99%) decisions wherein I do not have to think so much. It’s more in-built.

While at work or doing something different requires a fair amount of new ideas, Can I rely upon my instincts? Well, this question was asked, and I did find a solution that seems apt so far.

When one makes decisions, we back our experience, expertise, and other’s experience. We look into prevailing situations and then end up making a decision. Before executing, sometimes, I have encountered two possibilities.

One that is defined by logic, wherein one can conclude with the events that have taken place. This seems to be the best possible solution because it can be backed by specific data or events previously. It doesn’t leave much scope for ifs, but’s and eliminates most of the uncertainties.

On the other hand, I have this personality called ‘Mr. Instinct’ who has this sense for the changes that are likely to happen in the future. The logic is very illogical in this case, and it only doesn’t have a set pattern to explain the events’ unfolding.

Most of my life struggles were to convince my mind, which takes sound decisions based on facts. Whereas instincts, which create its route map, persuade me to decide based on his ill-defined logic. But it works, trust me.

Very rarely have I gone against my instincts. I am indeed fortunate to have a mind and an intuition and their theories to agree to disagree. They agree on most terms, and other times, one eventually compromises, saying I had made a wrong decision and ended up supporting the different conclusion.

For the first time, I have taken a decision that is in direct conflict with my instincts in my life. Now, instincts aren’t behaving the same way. It is indicating the past events and the present situations to keep me reminded about my decision.

If I am unsure, I let time do the talking. I wanted time to make an important decision in my life. I know it could have been a straightforward decision for the state of mind I was in.

Finally, after weeks on self – assessment, I concluded. I am not backing my instincts.

I am backing my beliefs and my theory towards life. These are logical.

Wait a minute – “you just can’t make decisions without convincing me, hey look, I understand I have a difference in views but convince me first and then go ahead with your decision” – Instinct in a repulsive mood.

This made me think a bit more…. Come on, after all, someone’s asking me something, and I should give. If instinct is asking me to think over again, then I must.

After few days, Fine, Mr. Instinct, I am again going against you. I know it hurts or says it will hurt me in the future for having gone against you or for having expressed my inability to convince you, but I am sure you will be there to support me in other things apart from this. This will be a nice change for both of us.

What made me go against my instincts??

I always believed, to attain a greater sense of achievement in life, it’s not what you conquer; it’s not what you did; it’s how you did.

I have few beliefs, which I have acquired due to living this life, watching, traveling, reading, and having conversations.

“One must always give another chance, I know it might not work out, but I am not going to lose anything because the equilibrium of karma puts it this way, when you are gaining something, you are bound to lose. Unless we do not experience we cannot say what we gained or lost, we can have an idea, although one cannot fathom it.” – First reason

“I always told my friends if you want something in life, go ask for it. You will at least get clarity in terms of the response you get. So, if you want something from someone, ask for it. At times, life is too short to play mind and understanding games; one needs to express to get what they want.” – Second Reason

Now, someone close (is it?? Asked instinct) to you comes all of a sudden and asks for something… What do you do???

This time I didn’t rely upon my instincts for memories I had. Instead, I have taken this as a challenge to convince my instincts that let time heal this… I know time alone cannot heal; it’s my ability to ward off negative energies from my instincts and the concerned person and situations. If all are on the same plane or at least align in one particular direction, then the future seems bright, or else, I need to answer this question from a book I read….

On the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, which is considered the highest peak in Africa, there is a jackal carcass on the height’s dry snow layers.

Now the question is, why would a jackal go to such an area in the first place? What made it go such a distance? Did it know it wouldn’t be getting any food or shelter over there? Why did it go?? Why did Ernst Hemingway bring up this in his book, The Snows of Kilimanjaro?

I know the answer as to why it went there. Sometimes, we do sense the scent wrong. It seems foolishness for a jackal to go that far. But it just followed the scent, and in the end, it turned out to be the wrong scent. It followed its instincts, and it failed….

Or I would like to put it this way; this so-called ‘failure’ became an excellent example for my life.

I know Ernst Hemingway mentioned the puzzle…. But the solution to it is entirely mine, or should I say interpretation, based on my experience. The difference between a man and an animal is that man is capable of establishing priorities.

I might change this in the future… because I don’t know whether I would also end up following the wrong scent of life… I haven’t followed jackal’s life to come to a proper conclusion.
At present, I can say…. I have challenged my norms, and for at least one issue, I am out of my instinct zone…. It’s a battle nevertheless to prove my decision right to my instincts.

Ultimately, this isn’t any wish. Being with a person I like is a goal…. a long term. This isn’t like any other unformed wish like “I want to make money, I want to win, or I want to find true love.” These wishes aren’t goals as per my definition. I want to enjoy the intermediate steps associated with the objectives. Analyze them, correct them whenever necessary and keep moving on.

At last, this is the most challenging part….. Having gone out of my instincts, I have to ensure I retain the confidence and stick to whatever I have decided upon.

Edison remarked, “Success is defined as 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration”.

Well, I am all ready for 99% perspiration…. Unless and until I get 1 % inspiration from time to time….

From who?

It’s a million-dollar question…..