End of a beautiful week, predominantly intellectual on personal terms and a good week at work too.

I discovered many things about myself over the past one week through introspection and how to improve things to get the joy of seeing others around me happy if I am not all that happy.

Somewhere I was thinking, by being nice to someone else, is it me being selfish??
Then it confused me for a while, and then inside me, a voice kept telling, “Do you feel wrong about the way you behave in your life or say any regrets,”
I said, “NO.”

“Do you feel bad when you do not get acknowledged for the efforts you have put in,” the inner voice asked me.

I said, “sometimes I do feel bad because I don’t know whether what I did was right or wrong and since there is no reply from the other ends, hence no feedback, so I get confused at times; I then go into the phase of introspection, and I don’t feel that bad at the end of it, if its good, good, if it’s bad, the scope for improvement.”

Later the voice asked me,” Do you feel at peace and joy when you see
others happy.”

“Yes, sometimes I feel the purpose of me being born is to make others happy and seeing their smile and them being happy, I will be satisfied, No doubts about that; making others feel comfortable and happy is my driving force.”

He asked me,” What if you are trying to please people?”

I said, “Oh, I got it! It’s my instinct that drives me to make others’ life happy; as long as this instinct survives and receives proper fodder for survival, it is going to be ok. Being a human, it is a little tough sometimes, but then the overall picture comes to my mind, I think I shouldn’t be bothered about trivial things; my life is going to be great in the path I am traveling now, all I need to do is stay where
I am and move along the same road.”

There will be many potholes and speed breakers, and many different roads. Still, it is entirely up to me to become aware of them so that I don’t lose my way when I arrive at a junction; this is where I will be meeting many beautiful and not so lovely people, there is something I feel I can do by being myself so that I can cheer other’s life for a moment when they desperately need it, but they never asked for it.

The joy I get when I see others being happy, I feel content, and if lucky, they are going to be my companions for the rest of my life; if not, it’s unfortunate that we just met at a traffic signal or, say, at a junction or a pit stop.

There will be many such occasions where we all will bump into each other and get a chance to review if we can become companions again or we might not get a chance.

But sometimes, I am thinking of a junction ahead than about the intersection I am at present, it is not all that good. One needs to enjoy one junction at a time and then progress further; you never know Kal Ho Na Ho.

But it’s worth giving a shot; there’s nothing to lose. By giving away something of one’s is never losing; we lose things which were not at all ours in the first place, but how superficially it appears all the time?”

The voice said,” Enough of your lecture, man when you know what needs to be done, then why are you bugging me with such questions?”

I said,” Just for kicks, that’s all….. To be frank, it’s for a moment I feel I need someone who can comfort me with words and assure me that “everything is gonna be alright,” and make me understand the person I am, sometimes I lose track on such things and start overthinking, that’s when the calming influence is necessary, but this is just a passing phase. After some time, I tend to pick myself and get back to good, but words can make me better. If I don’t get info from the dear ones, I look upon you, so I ask you (inner voice), and you are my best critic too; hence I shall always be grounded by your words.”

The voice got frustrated and said,” Enough, man, you are bugging, I guess you would have annoyed people also by your talks, and that’s why they don’t prefer talking to you.”

I replied the last time, “True in a way, but I have seen people who never speak that much to me but still feel good about me, and for few people, they love listening, and with few others, I don’t talk; I keep listening to them. Hence it’s about being compatible and flexible with the people I meet, its tough, but instead of expecting them to change, I would love to change so that even they can sometimes change for the better. It’s leading by example, you see, rather than accepting my inability and not trying to change.”

The voice being adamant, asked, “How do I say this with surety?”

“Well, that’s what is called my gut instinct, that’s enough for me, if I feel good inside, that will be fine, in a true Metallica way ‘Nothing else matters’ coz what matters is being healthy inside and automatically everything takes care of itself.”

When my mom called me for breakfast, I quickly made a deal with my inner voice.

The voice eventually agreed and promised that he would be honest with his opinions inside me. As long as he is honest in giving his opinions, I promised him I shall remain honest and translate his honesty into my daily life.