I Don’t Know

There is a temptation, without a blink of an eye,

aware that how my life has gone so far.

And, yet in the comfort of one’s home,

Deep down my heart cries with the words, I don’t know.


The sound of a soul in distress,

do you know how it sounds?

For I have been privy to once in a while,

Not this time as the words I don’t know have never been clearer.


Like always it is occasional, so uttered my mind,

as I turned away, to focus on mundane things.

However, it was different this time as my heart pounded,

I don’t know, I don’t know.


The external voices, and these internal voices,

I struggled to pay attention to both.

For one I get the minutes in an email,

What about the other? I don’t know, I don’t know.


Neither the comforting food is offering solace,

nor chatting with my peers.

I find it hard to have a space of my own,

So that I can know why the voices say, I don’t know, I don’t know.


How do I share this feeling, call my mate?

Or should I let it unfold like it always did?

And, at that precise moment, the cries intensified,

I don’t know, I don’t know.


I ran, ran and ran till I reached the top of the town,

With no one around, it was a comfort zone.

Mustered all the courage and uttered it loud,

I don’t know, I don’t know.


At last, my mind synced with those cries,

As I dived into the precious sounds of silence.

Those few words were a tonic to the ones that affected me,

I don’t know, but I will figure it out.


It isn’t easy to utter I don’t know,

Unless backed up by the raw courage.

No one but you can find it,

I don’t know, and it is okay.


The path to my immediate life became clearer,

With the journey thus far being memories.

Each step forward is a step unknown,

And, that’s the beauty of it, because I don’t know.


Moments later, the fear factor of the unknown returns,

With a promise to never let me go.

The struggle continues, will it be eternal?

Maybe I do know the answer, or maybe I don’t know.

Why I Support Trump!

Read these few lines before concluding:

In 2002, I met this introvert with whom I shared an instant connection because of the ‘football’ club we support. On most occasions, it was ‘us’ versus ‘the other classmates’ and it was all fun.

He travelled close to 70 km each day (considering the Bangalore traffic) on public transport and never once complained about it. He went on to secure good grades, got campus placement and worked tenuously for eight years.

He loved life like anyone and his life changed two years ago, his juvenile diabetes triggered a reaction that has since resulted in problems in his kidney. He had to quit his job, undergo dialysis treatment (it is ongoing) and now he finds himself in a situation where kidney replacement is critical.

Luckily, a renowned hospital in Bangalore has found a kidney match for the transplant surgery.

His family and friends are doing their bit; however, it is the financial help along with the prayers that will help him recover and lead a life which we all deserve. The operation is due in less than a month.

His family has set up a contribution page through which you can contribute and give him the hope that is needed.


Alternatively, you can deposit directly to his account here –

SBI Account details

A/c Name: Praveen Kumar matam

A/c no: 20085201868

IFSC code: SBIN0004456

ITPL Campus (Bangalore)



And, regarding Donald Trump.

 Forget about him and instead feel good by helping a fellow human.

To Click Or Not To Click

There are many reasons why I recommend the 2013 movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I will not go into the details. Instead, I will cut to the chase and share my favourite part of the movie.

It happens to be a conversation between Sean Penn (who plays Sean O’Connell) and Ben Stiller (Walter Mitty).

Walter had gone to great lengths to find O’Connell, and after many adventure-filled incidents, he meets Sean at the top of the Himalayas. During their conversation, Sean interrupts him as they encounter a snow leopard.

Much to his dismay, Walter Mitty was surprised to see Sean not fiddling with his camera and instead of watching the snow leopard movements. It is said, the sighting of the snow leopard is rare.

The bemused Mitty asks Sean, “When are you going to take it?”

“Sometimes I don’t. If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it,” was Sean’s reply.

“Stay in it?”

“Yeah. Right there. Right here.”

The last few days, I have woken up to some of the best white winter mornings I have witnessed thus far in my life. I was tempted and must admit I was sucked into using my camera, clicking away what I saw.

And, then… I shut my camera and kept it aside.

There were no words or thoughts on my mind, just my eyes looking through the window and seconds later standing out on the balcony in the cold weather; I had forgotten for a brief time that I was recovering from the viral flu.

It was one such moment when I realised what a luxury it is at times to just look at the marvels of nature without the urge to share it with the world.

Clicking photos don’t cost a thing these days. It comes with our basic communication package – the smartphone. Therefore, it is not uncommon to snap the random moments we encounter without planning.

For the last few years, I have been introspecting over these questions – Why am I clicking a ‘moment’?

What separates a ‘photographic tale’ from a mere random shot?

When should I provide a narrative to my snaps, and when to leave it to others’ interpretation?

I am still in the process of concluding, or maybe I might never reach such a closure. That doesn’t bother me. However, I have realised that I love to present a moment as I view it.

The colour, contrast, the hues, brightness, the ambience, and warmth – all these aspects, I have learned by making innumerable mistakes since my mother gifted me a digital SLR in 2004. The learning process is on-going. Looking back at those errors, some have presented a different take on my subjects.

I am yet to learn how to photoshop effectively, and I believe it is a time-consuming process. Instead, the photos resort to minor image tuning whenever I feel there is a need for it.

The beauty seen through the occasionally flawed eyes of mine can be open to interpretation – but that’s another story, a story nevertheless.

The technology of viewing has evolved over the centuries – we can look at farther objects and examine the tiniest. However, when it comes to capturing the ‘moments’ around us, there is no better substitute for a pair of eyes.

My camera – well, it just helps me recollect those moments I have captured whenever I feel the need to revisit them.

On the chicanery road less travelled

While I am travelling on this road, there come situations where something stops me. It can be a lack of motivation etc. Now, I begin to think, is this the road I always wanted to go??

There are neither road signs nor road lights ahead, but the road is there. Sometimes, no navigator.

Just because it feels excellent initially doesn’t mean the enthusiasm and motivation should last long.

Purpose, Is this road on my map of Purpose. Even half-convinced, I wouldn’t mind going and fulfilling it. I say to myself; Purpose is focusing the full power of what I am and what I want to achieve.

With this belief, I am sure of taking this uncertain part. It’s a challenge, which I want to face whole-heartedly. Challenge is the law of life. Once I accept this challenge, there still would be doubts coming within me about my abilities.

One of the things is because of my past, and hence I am reluctant this time around.

I believe, While choosing between two evils, I shall always take the one I have never tried before. I am very unsure of how it could turn out this way, but you never know; it might just be a blessing in disguise.

Convincing becomes an important issue here again with the bigger picture in mind. But one must not ignore to enjoy things that come our way on this path. Appreciate whatever comes and embrace it. Everything has a purpose in this world; it’s just how well we relate to these things and make them more meaningful.

With such experiences, we would gather a lot of energy. Trust me, this energy is compelling, and one needs to channelize it in the right way.

Setbacks are bound to happen on our road to glory or, in fact, on any street to glory.

Always remember, as Rocky Balboa says, “It’s not how hard you hit; it is how hard you get hit and still keep moving forward.”

Seen but Have we really met them??

I have two questions to ask,

  1.     Are we being honest to ourselves??
  2.     Are we being honest with our guiding force? In my case, it’s my parents??

The first answer is undoubtedly related to the second. I shall share my experience.
Firstly, if they’re a specific section of people who shall give us another chance right from the bottom of their heart, it is our parents.

I am helpless for the people who have lost their parents because life is like that. I admire the way they live every day.

How much time do we spend with our parents??
I have heard many people telling me my parents are strict, at least one of them. They don’t listen to me. They are orthodox. They want things their way.

Agreed, even I used to think on similar lines. Hence, I wasn’t clear on many things I did, and a certain amount of fear started creeping inside me; this fear was stopping me from doing things whole-heartedly.

Call it my fortune; I did get an opportunity to understand the real value of parents. It’s true, everyone loves their parents, but we tend to forget that it is very much true the other way around.

But I don’t understand one point. When we both share mutual love, why is it that we fear our parents??

I believe the best thing a person can do if he/she gets a chance is to understand them, rather than fearing them. They are the only people who accept the way we are, no matter what. Suppose one doesn’t get a chance. Time is still there, do it now. It is always better to give your best shot now than regret it later.

It is a failure for us not to convince our parents once we are convinced ourselves. Patience is required, and at the same time, one must respect their feelings.

I have heard many telling me; I won’t go against my parent’s wishes. That’s a brilliant line to say. Ask yourself how many things we have done against our parents’ wishes and why this demarcation is in particular issues.

I have done many things without telling my parents, and I have regretted doing so. I am lucky, and at the same time, I am proud that I took the chance when I got an opportunity to correct myself.

Most people who face this type of syndrome are the people who are not confident of themselves but want to put a mask of that of a confident person. The truth is, within us, it gets alarming.

Some will be honest in accepting this fact and try to rectify it, and for others, it becomes an egoistic issue.

Another point, my friends say, My parents are very different from yours!!!

A fair point… The truth is that my friends and I are also not the same, so how do we expect our parents to be the same. Maybe like, we friends have few things in common, I am sure our parents will also have few things in common between them, I mean ( My parents and my friend’s parents).

The difference is not in the parents; it’s in their background how they have been brought up.
How many people do think all parents think alike in most aspects of their children.
They do have different ways of expressing it; pity that we won’t interpret it.

We spend a lot of time listening to our friends, do we spend a fraction of that time, listening to what our parents say.

One thing is sure; we can afford to lose so-called friends, we cannot afford to lose our parents.
Ask a friend who doesn’t have a parent; he/ she will tell you how lucky we are.

It took nine months for me to come to this earth, which is valid for everyone else.
Feelings of parents are the same; it is just that we take or assume different forms.

Another issue comes… The gender issue…

Convincing one’s parents is nothing to do with gender. It is an escape route, in my opinion.
For everything, there are certain advantages and disadvantages.

A loser is one who cribs about dis-advantages while others do what they have got and succeed.
Be it men or women, parents, are the same.

Also, I don’t quite understand when people tell me; I want to fulfill my parents’ dreams, which is my priority.

How many of us know our parent’s dreams?? The last line is the most brilliant line to get people’s appreciation.

When was the last time our parents ask, look, this is my dream, you fulfill it?
I have heard it many times on many issues. Ask yourself, have we fulfilled it???

Now, how many of them did we go against??? Many without telling them.
So, here we are… We don’t mind going against our parent’s wishes for things that can be quickly done. When asked, we tend to reply. “It’s ok; no one is perfect.”

But when things are not easy, escape route. I don’t want to go against my parent’s wishes.
If that was the case, why did we go against them secretly in the first place??

I am coming back to the parent’s dreams. It’s a universal truth.

First, try to be honest with yourself. In that honesty, if your parents do exist, never hesitate to be honest with your parents. Never be scared of them, for any issue for that matter.

See the difference… I always believe, only when we are convinced of our actions we can convince our parents. Otherwise, we being egoistic and selfish, still blame parents saying they are strict. But deep down, we realize someday, not convincing our parents or not being honest with them is the biggest failure of our lives.

No matter how much success we achieve, it can never overweigh this failure; that’s the universal truth.

Following the ideals which were taught to us and applying them successfully is our parent’s dream.
Anything apart from this is purely materialistic.

Think, when we are afraid of losing our parents, it is also true the other way. So why don’t we communicate when we share similar feelings for each other. Good communication with our parents is essential to realize one’s purpose. If parents don’t exist, their ideals would always remain with us.


While I was outside, alone on a long walk, I wondered, What is it that makes a legend separate from most of us. Is it the type of food, the people he is surrounded with, or just the right frame of mind?

I thought these people knew what they wanted to achieve, and more importantly, they also knew how to achieve it. The latter becomes the key to success.
Success and failure are relative.

Once we know, what we are supposed to achieve, we need to take the necessary steps to achieve it. The measures will automatically come once we realize the intent of fulfilling the purpose.

So what inhibits us from achieving our purpose??

There are many factors, and if we talk to ourselves, we realize that many things in our daily lives are just a routine we are stuck with. Ever wondered why we follow this routine.
I have a standard answer, which is, to an extent, quite acceptable. “Everybody does, so am I doing.”

If we are vigilant about our own lives, we realize; we don’t quite like following all the routines of our daily lives. But we are doing it. It is in our comfort zone. If something goes wrong, there are a lot of them surrounding us who can help us out. It is indeed a secure feeling, not the one we want if we are honest with ourselves.

It is these few people who challenge themselves and do not go with the wind.
They believe they are born to leave a mark in everyone’s life.
Half the battle is won if we realize our potential. But it isn’t enough. We need to harness the prospect into a combative weapon to impact humankind positively.

Be it sports or any other field; There will be a thin line of demarcation between the ordinary and the extraordinary.

Sacrifice is an essential aspect in achieving one’s purpose. But, in my opinion, one must not compromise. Sacrifice and compromise are two different things.

Compromise accepts items willingly, whereas settlement is like accepting, wherein you don’t have any other choice. The limit of “Tolerance” firmly holds these two qualities.

If we tolerate things that inhibit us from achieving our purpose real purpose, then there is no harm in it. As long as one is convinced about what he/ she is doing, it becomes easy to convince others.

Next time, when you are struggling to convince others, Do ask yourself, “Am I convinced in the first place??”

The more convinced one is, the better one will be once confident, and in that case, there is the only thing visible, the road to success. Even if things don’t go well, we will find an alternative route to the same destination of success because we have the confidence of reaching there.

Now, to travel along the path of success, it’s no cakewalk.

We want to reach the ultimate point of our purpose; hence, we realize what we are supposed to do.

In this position, all we need to do is, concentrate on achieving it.
Here comes the biggest test of all, how strong are we mentally to reject things that retards our progress. This is the thin line I was talking about.

We being humans, tend to deviate from our path and relax. Nothing wrong with it, as long as one is happy being in that current state.
The problem starts when we are stuck in this current state and not being happy.

This takes a tough call, one has ever made, and we need to make this uncompromising call to liberate.

It isn’t easy initially; never give up till you find it comfortable, and at the same time, you are back on your road to success. It takes a hell lot to absorb, and at a stage, it becomes a pain.

One has to take this pain and start enjoying it by looking at the bigger picture; I mean the overall picture.

I am sure we will gain a lot by enjoying this period of pain at the end of it.
“NO PAIN, NO GAIN.” Gain means achieving what one has set out to achieve.

Try walking in my shoes!


After realizing the path, there are bound to be many obstructions along our way. This is quite natural; we create things, what we think.

Human life tends to have many speed breakers during his progress. Some can be useful to achieve control; some can ruin a life. There shall be perfect things happening in our lives and not so perfect things.

Here we have it, not so perfect roads along our way. But is this the sole reason for not moving forward?

People ask me about my challenges, and even I ask my friends. I do get different answers from different personalities.

This made me think as to define my challenge. After giving a lot of thought to this, I just arrived at something I wanted to tell.

I realized, my greatest challenge was to be “Out of my comfort zone” and still be the same person. It’s like watching my life from a different perspective and trust me, I did get a different answer. I stepped out of the protagonist role I play in my life and, for few minutes, observed how I was from a third person’s point of view.

Now I am back donning my role, and I am doing things differently or trying to do it differently when I encounter similar past, not so pretty situations.

To be nobody but Rajan in a world that is doing its best, day and night, to make me everybody else means fighting the hardest battle I can fight, or any human can fight and believe I or that matter anyone should never quit fighting.

It’s like a feeling of being on a Lost highway if appropriate measures are not taken.

Knowing this, it becomes comfortable about things under my control, i.e., being myself and improving on it and not worrying about things that are not under my control.

It’s a simple belief. “If I can change, you can change; rest assured the whole world can change.” Yes, I heard it first in a Rocky movie, Rocky IV, to be precise.

If there is one thing in our lives that is constant throughout, that is “CHANGE.”

Hitting the road of one’s beautiful life

Riding seems to be fun even when the destination is unknown.

All I want to have is a beautiful journey!!! It’s entirely within me to make it adventurous and at the same time enjoy it.

We do face a lot of challenges in our daily life. I do have them like everyone else. Instead of playing the blame game, I am trying to learn the art of getting it solved.
It is a lot better to find a solution, finding answers to our queries, than just passing the pillow of our miseries to others.

Answers can be good or bad; the important thing is to find these answers rather than form a bubble of questions within us.

Passing the pillow can be a good time pass and with which one can get rid of our worries for a short time. But have we wondered, “Whose pillow is it anyway”??

I am a human; I won’t be 100% efficient in following the ideals. But I am at least trying to increase my efficiency. That reminds me, what exactly one means by efficiency??
I have heard people, including me using the word, inefficient.

For me, the efficiency of a human is just in more scientific terms–

Efficiency= The work done by an individual human / Total capacity or potential of that particular human.

In reality, the denominator value is much much higher than that of the numerator. Hence, efficiency is bound to be significantly very less.

Suppose a machine can give an efficiency of 36-40%, according to Mr Carnot. Our efficiency will be significantly less. So, in that respect, I am in-efficient, and the worst part is, everyone is along with me.

To increase our efficiency, it is essential to know our boundaries and these boundaries are relative. Just like engines have temperatures as their boundaries, we do have time with us.
An engine performs better once its mechanism is known, we perform better when we understand, who are we?

Our strengths and weakness and the way we utilize these two parameters translate into our mechanism.

A single-engine cannot perform all the activities, and in analogy, a single human cannot do all the things that humankind can do. But an engine can be linked with many other accessories to improve its efficiency, and we have a similar option.

So, it is vital to know, what are these accessories, and where is it???

For that, it is essential to know, Who am I?? Unless I understand entirely about myself, I would be making the wrong choices in choosing my accessories. That’s ok, as long as we are increasing our efficiency, even by a few margins. A lifetime is not enough to recognize one’s capacity, but it is possible to give it a shot.

Once we understand ourselves, we can understand others. We can connect pretty well, thereby increasing our chances to improve our efficiency.

Now one thing keeps coming back to me.”Why do we need this improvement in one’s efficiency.”

A simple answer to it “To satisfy our purpose in life and to live the life we always wanted to live”…

To put it in a much easier way. It is an universal truth that a building can withstand many storeys with a strong foundation. Similarly, unless we have a strong foundation within ourselves, we cannot expect our relationships to stay for a long time.

With a strong foundation, we can withstand any calamities and still retain those relationships.
It is crucial to be decorative and attractive from inside. That is where we live. Be it a building, be it our life, its essential to be beautiful and attractive from inside.

Not all are blessed with exterior beauty, and one should not be taken aback for this sole factor in life.

But everyone is blessed for being beautiful from inside. From my little experience, it’s always the inner beauty that can translate into external beauty and never vice-versa, no matter what.

It is natural to get attracted to external beauty, but this attraction’s persistence and longevity are pure because of inner beauty.

This suggests why most beautiful people do not have a beautiful life to live and not so beautiful people having a beautiful life to live.

Very few can pull off being beautiful, both exterior and interior. That’s a great piece of architecture. Mind you; everyone can be that Architect, the Architect of our life.

“Life is always beautiful; it’s a pity that we aren’t that beautiful enough from inside, so we tend to blame it on life.”

Riding on my Caliber

I was thinking, Why was I born???
There has to be a purpose in me hitting the earth. I was born, and I spent my childhood days with great pleasure doing things that I loved doing. Sometimes I went extreme, but that’s ok; I paid the prices for crossing the conflicted boundaries.

If you think I have learned something from all my activities, you bet I have got to know so many things.

My childhood still stays fresh in my mind many years forward, almost every activity I was involved with. Some are through my friends who I always make contact with, and others I remember them because they were the building blocks of my life, a beautiful life.

Now, if not a beautiful life, I have time to make it look gorgeous.

There is a conscious inside us, and my awareness keeps hitting me, reminding me of my purpose. I was learning; everyone has an equal chance of leading this beautiful life on this earth.
It is up to the individual to work hard and make himself accountable for his activities.

We cannot blame the situation and surroundings for our state of life or failures.
It’s just not acceptable. I am learning that, for my life to be on the right path, I need to take severe measures to be on the right track.

Some of us are born with specific advantages, but who is to be blamed for such benefits and disadvantages. These things take a back step once you start realizing one’s capacity and capability.

The day one realizes what he/she needs to do in life, we stop asking others questions. Instead we go on our own and search for the answers.

Our eyes need to be sweet to like all the people in this world. It is equally important to have a sweet tongue to be liked by all the people in this world.

It is in equilibrium, and we need to maintain the balance.

All I would like to say is, ” Every Life has happy endings…… If it’s not satisfied, then it’s not the END yet”…

The sooner we realize this, the better we would appreciate this hidden, beautiful life within us.